i am “friends” with this chic on facebook. she just posted photos of a group she is involved with that stormed the westminster dog show. they ran into the ring with signs about how breeders are killing shelter dogs, etc.

http://blog.peta.org/archives/2010/02/westminster_interrupted.php

peta is so stupid!!!!!

first: responsible breeders are the biggest advocates for shelter dogs. not only do responsible breeders help with transporting dogs and rescuing dogs, they donate a lot of money to shelters. my aunt is a responsible doberman breeder and she just “re-homed” 5 dogs last month! 5 dogs! they were from bad, backyard breeders who did not take back their defunct dogs. a responsible breeder will always take back a dog, no matter the reason, no matter the length of time later, to avoid having a dog go into the shelter system.

if these peta people want to attack anyone, why not attack the backyard breeder that constantly breeds pitbulls and stacks them in crates on top of each other in hot garages?

second: responsible breeders help the breeds. they help breed “out” the bad traits and keep the integrity of the breeds.

third: these dogs at westminster are livin’ the high life!

why don’t these protestors go protest at a dog store where the dogs come from puppy mills?

or go cause a ruckus in front of shelters to get people interested in adopting an animal?

or – heaven forbid – ACTUALLY get their hands dirty and head to puppy mills themselves??????

i know shelter workers and i know responsible breeders. all these people i know have, personally, gone to puppy mills, gone through the muck, and rescued dogs with their own hands. they are the true heroes.

peta paid for these protestors to travel, i am sure other expenses, they pay them a salary, etc…. and for what? all of that money could have gone to a shelter or to actually helping an animal in need.

how about the people that work at shelters? how about the people that volunteer their time? that work on holidays and after their regular jobs? that work to feed their families and to help animals and clean up other peoples messes?

oh, and by the way, peta does not rescue animals. they are very quick to euthanize any animals.

oh, and also, the head of peta takes medication that is tested on animals. how ethical is that?

check out this link. looks like i am not the only one who feels this way.

http://blogs.dogtime.com/blog-stephaniesuesansmith-com/2010/02/peta-people-for-the-ethical-treatment-of-animals-lies

peta and their minions are just a bunch of hyped-up, money grubbing, bullshit-slinging drones.

i hate that anyone associates my being a vegetarian with liking or supporting peta in any way, shape or form.

(and what makes me mad is that if any of those peta jerks saw this, they would say that at least what they did got people talking about it… *eye roll*)

tom says no.

it makes me sad.

growing up all i ever wanted was a home full of animals. i never wanted fancy things, and i still don’t want anything fancy in life. just love and happiness and health. and a sphynx kitty!!!

i just know it would be fine with our dogs.

i have done oodles of research. i know what it entails.

my beautiful, wonderful cousin dana has a buncha kitties, so i know them in person.

i feel like i have been through a lot in life, and i wish it could just be okay

but we want to do more. we are trying to eat as organically as possible and we have just bought our first juicer! everyone is always raving about juicing and we have joined the team. wow, is it fun! we just had a blizzard on friday, so thursday night we went to whole foods and stocked up on fruits and vegetables so we could try juicing this weekend. we have gone through almost the entire stock! we have juiced carrots and apples and celery and cucumber. it is so delicious and it feels great. i am ordering a recommended juicing book so we can come up with some more concoctions and read about the health benefits with each juice.

also this week tom treated us to a special little device that steeps loose tea. i have always wanted to get into loose teas, too, and we finally did! there is a store in cherry hill mall called teavana that sells loose teas and assorted accoutrement. we purchased a delicious almond biscotti black tea (caffeinated) and a lemongrass tea (un-caffeinated). de.li.cious! i checked the iphone app store and whaddya know – teavana has its very own app! it is so much fun, i would say it is the best app i have so far! there is a steep timer (that plays cool music!!) and the ingredients for each tea (so now i know exactly what is in these teas). it is so wonderful!

needless to say, we are having lots of fun being snowed in. we have also been doing yoga every day, and today we are going to try the shiva rea yoga flow dvd. we watched “9″ and “whip it” – “9″ was AMAZING!!! we have been eating yummy, healthy foods (since we stocked up on thursday!).

we also decided to buy lots of organic and eco-friendly hygiene and household products. i like to use the 365 brand of laundry detergent and dryer sheets. we got a 365 body wash and we have a 365 lotion. organic hand-soaps. we ventured into the world of natural deodorant. now i see why hippies wear patchouli – to cover up that B.O. smell! i think i will wear natural deodorant at home, but i can’t imagine going into the world without some chemicals in my armpits. must find a natural deodorant that works! also trying natural toothpaste. (i can’t imagine that wearing a deodorant with chemicals is healthy by any means. i thought i have read that the chemicals may cause breast cancer).

i was very pissed off early this week. i downloaded a “cruelty free” app (love iphone!) and found out that l’oreal tests on animals! i was outraged! we frequent the “your dog is worth it, too” (www.yourdogisworthittoo.com) event put on by l’oreal every summer. i am angry with myself for assuming that a company that did so much good for animals would be testing on animals behind closed doors. i use l’oreal products because when you go to the event, they give you a HUUUGE bag of free products. shampoo and conditioner gel hair product and makeup and skincare product. i was all set.

but once i found this out, i had to get this huge stash of l’oreal out of the house. we took everything (all brand new products) to the womanspace shelter in trenton.

not to be too much of a brat, but i had to clear this out to clear my conscience. how could i apply face lotion and not see all those poor bunnies being tested on? not fair. am now using a better skincare line (which i needed anyway) and only using bumble and bumble haircare products.

i am feeling much better, mentally, from the inside out. we are striving to have a cruelty-free, healthy, organic home. i am glad that our cleaning supplies and beauty products are not here at the cost of another creature’s life. we are looking into composting (we have all this extra pulp now from juicing, so it seems like a good time to start composting).

thank you, iphone and all your wonderous apps for assisting in being healthy!

i walked into my mom’s house and in her kitchen hiding were my family and friends, all there to surprise me for my 30th birthday!

i was in complete and total shock. i saw the sea of about 20 smiling faces in my mom’s kitchen, and everything went fuzzy! i was so happy and appreciative. everyone told me that i even took a few steps back! i was really caught off guard. i was shaking for at least 10 minutes. it took me a while to warm up!

tom and i were originally heading to aunt joan and uncle bob’s house for a vodka rigatoni dinner (uncle bob is a god at making vodka rigs). at about 3pm, tom sprung it on me that we were stopping at my mom’s house first to “pick up a cake” ‘cos she had ordered it and didn’t need it, blablabla. i was pretty cranky because that took about 20 minutes from my ‘getting ready’ time, and that did not sit well with me!

the party was lovely. my mom did a great job. tom did a great job of helping her. it was such a wonderful bunch of people, too! and when i turned the corner and walked into my mom’s kitchen, no one stood there snapping pictures. it was great!

looking back, i should have been tipped off by a few things:

- a few weeks ago my mom asked us to come by on january 3 for a birthday cake with my grandparents. i reminded her they would be in florida at the time, and then she dropped it

- my mom did not call me 5x that day. nor had i heard from any other friends in days!

- tom knows i hate surprises, so the whole springing a stop on me last minute should have been a major tip-off

- when we walked into my mom’s house, it was “guest ready”… candles lit, tree on, perfectly tidy, dogs were in crates, and she was standing there with a glass of wine

now i feel bad about:

- bugging aunt joan for a week about what we could bring

- almost texting uncle bob to tell him how excited i was about his vodka rigs

- getting really cranky with tom just before we left

had i know about the party, i would have:

- totally worn another outfit! my outfit was fine, and i am super glad no one took pictures, but i do like to get dressed up

- put on a big hair clip. i had one in my hair but took it off because of the crazy high winds

- worn my pretty rings! i don’t like to wear rings under my gloves because i get all freaked out that something bad is going to happen to them

it was a really great time. i had a blast. it was the perfect party. totally nice and chill, a great bunch of people that all get along and talk. i love everyone so much! plus my mom’s dog, essie, was being a perfect angel.

my mom really rocks for doing this for me, thank you so much.

and tom really rocks for helping her out. even though he was pretty good at lying to me, i guess i can forgive him

thanks to everyone that came. i really appreciate it. i had such a big smile on my face and could not get to sleep last night because i just kept replaying the night in my head.

who cares about turning 30 when you have so many wonderful people around you?!

xoxo

i fully admit that tom and i are lucky that we have such large families and many places to visit and people to try to please. it’s no secret that we both come from divorced parents, so that gives us at least 4 homes to visit on christmas day. yes, i complain because it is a very long and very difficult day, and very difficult to keep saying goodbye to parents as we whisk ourselves to the next home. i know we are lucky to have TOO many  places to visit instead of not any places to visit.

with that said, christmas day, as i said, is difficult to pull off. we have to carefully plan and create an itinerary that we must stick to, otherwise we can get caught up chatting or snacking or napping or playing video games and become late for the next step, which will just throw everything off!

after we tucker ourselves out on tom’s birthday and fill up on cake, we head to bed early so we can be up by 6:30am the next day. yes, 6:30am. so, here’s our schedule:

6:30am: wake up. giggle as we line up each other’s presents. exchange presents. exchange stories about presents. i love my presents! i think tom likes his, too. give presents to the dogs. watch jovie stand in the middle of all the paper. watch spencer play with jovie’s present. eat some toast to tide us over to breakfast. shower. get ready. pack up for stop 1 and 2.

(PS – i LOVE love love shopping for presents for tom. even though we set a limit, i always wind up going a little over because he is so much fun to buy for. and, by the way, i got him a dick towel this year! you know! www.dicktowel.com. and, among other things, i got him a pillow from the hyatt collection. we stayed at the hyatt the weekend of our wedding, and he always says he had the best night sleep of his life there. i think he really likes shopping for me, too, if i don’t say so myself. he gets me such wonderful gifts!)

9:45am: my mom arrives. we head to tom’s dads.

10am: tom’s dad and mary’s house. amazing breakfast. eggs, christmas bread, french toast casserole, and mimosas are involved. tom’s super nice co-worker joins us. love him. exchange presents. great presents! (i get an amazing purse from my in-laws from this amazing handmade purse-maker in seattle. www.queenbee-creations.com. awesomeness). chat. love their company. miss paco.

12noon: tom’s mom’s house. luckily, tom’s mom and dad live within a mile of each other! we chat and exchange presents. there is alcohol involved. glad tom has the boys to talk to about playing xbox live. he is super excited about that.

2pm: home for a quick stop to let the dogs out and freshen up and pack the car for stop 3. give the dogs treats and tuck them back in, promising they can play with their new toys later.

2:30pm: my dad’s house. on the ride over call my family on my mom’s side. exchange presents. my amazing little 8 year old brother got me a little ring from his school shop. he is precious. we play video games and guitar and drums for a bit in the basement with little christian and my sister sydney. then upstairs for some snacks and drinks and visiting with family.

5pm: head home to feed the dogs, let them out, change into sweats. close eyes for 5 minutes. call tommy’s gramma. pack up for stop 4. last stop, willoughby!

6:30pm: my mom’s house. we eat dinner and play with her dobermans, esmerelda and reese. i like stuffed shells. exchange presents. chill out and chat. there is wine involved.

9pm: home. bed by 10.

december 25 is always a great day to rest! my ass is always seriously kicked that day. i always feel so guilty about not spending a lot of time at each parent’s house. but i guess it’s not the holidays if there isn’t some guilt sprinkled on top, even if it is brought on by myself.

december 31, 2009 we spent together at home. we are not big new year’s participants. neither of us care for large crowds or being out in what i think are dangerous conditions (morons driving after having a drink late at night). we had tossed around some ideas about going out to a cool place with some friends, maybe having it be a joint 30th birthday celebration for us, but everyone has their own plans. which really works out fine because at the end of the day i do prefer my couch and television and pajamas above anything else. and my husband, too.

we spent new year’s eve day watching movies and lounging around. the good lord blessed us with a new episode of “the jersey shore” on new years eve. we watched the ball drop and pigged out on delicious goodies from whole foods all night. works for me! we also enjoyed reminiscing about our third date! i know that sounds funny, but when we first started dating, we both found out that we had no plans for new year’s, and tom invited me over to hang out. we got desserts and played games and drank wine and watched tv. it was a really great time. maybe it was our first kiss, too…

i am not big on “new year” crapola. i don’t much care for resolutions or “deciding” to make a big change only because of a date change. i like to make changes when they are necessary! do what works for you!

tonight, i am so stoked, we are going to a burlesque show in philly! i love burlesque, and i saw this particular troop perform a few months ago and they were fantastic! can’t wait to get dressed and wear my big giant hair piece with fishnet and feathers!

happy new year and happy holidays to all. glad it is all behind us now and we can focus on regular life (which is sort of stressful and crazy at the moment)…. oh, and my upcoming 30th birthday. barf.

cheers!

tom has been a little nervous and downtrodden about turning 30, but i explained that nothing really changes and he can still play video games and stick to his normal routine

he should be so proud of himself! he is great at his job, AND likes his job, he has a wonderful and successful dj business (you know, www.hisocietydjs.com) with his great friend jon, he is creative and kind and funny and handsome and skinny and just all around wonderful! not to mention he married such an awesome person! he accomplished so much in his twenties, his thirties will just have so much more to bring!

we started a day early for his birthday.

for tom’s birthday celebration, we had to ring 30 in with style! we went out to dinner on december 23 (because where could one POSSIBLY go to dinner on december 24??) to buddakan in philadelphia (tom’s favorite place to dine). tom’s dad and stepmom, mary, joined us and we had a lovely time. we had so much food on the table, it was a feast. tom had some really cool martini with cilantro and i had a few mojitos. for us vegetarians we had edamame raviolis and amazing wasabi mashed potatoes to start and vegetable fried rice and singapore noodles as our main dishes. since it was tom’s special, special day, he got to order not one but TWO desserts! we got the dim sum donuts ANd the bento box. the bento box is a super cool box with 6 compartments, all containing small portions of lots of different desserts. i cannot possibly remember all of them, but they were all so artistic and amazing and creative. we all had serious food coma at the end of the night!

today, tom woke up and played video games (see!?) and then went to a massage at angel’s touch in hamilton, nj with the amazing, incomparable tamara. he had a raindrop therapy treatment which included aromatherapy and hot stones and a full body massage. he came home smellin’ pretty good!

every year for tom’s birthday we go to the popcorn park zoo in forked river, nj (www.ahscares.org). tom is a huge animal lover, as am i, and it is such an awesome tradition. we always pretty much have the entire zoo to ourselves!

i am so super, crazy proud of tom. he started a blanket drive at his work, and had people from all over his floor donate blankets to the animals in the shelter at the zoo! he raised over 30 blankets! people also donated dog and cat food and money, and tom and i made a trip to petsmart the other night and used the generous monetary donations to buy kitty litter, dog treats, cat food, and toys for dogs and cats! it is so amazing how generous people can be! we loaded up my honda fit, and it was packed to the brim! i am so truly proud of tom. he put his mind to something and had such success! he said he has to top himself for next year, and i know he will.

so as a super special, secret surprise, i had called the guy, john, who runs the zoo a few months ago to see if we could have a “behind the scenes” tour for tom’s big birthday. he agreed, as he had met us before and knows we donate and stuff. i was so excited and had a tough time keeping the secret all this time, but i did it!

we arrived at the zoo and unloaded my car, and i asked the guy at the desk to radio john. tom was so excited and surprised! we were led the back way (which is always exciting) to the big barn where we met john.

john took us immediately behind some locked gates and fences and into the tiger area. yes, TIGER. he called out to the tiger, dante, and dante peaked his head out his little shed and came bouncing through the snow to greet john. dante kept rubbing himself up and down and back and forth along the fence at john, making this funny moaning sound to get john to pet him. he was just like a regular li’l cat except, like, humongous!!!! tom was in awe and put his hand up to the fence, and dante kept rubbing himself along tommy’s hand. what an amazing moment. john told us that dante was sad and lonely because his mate, gina, had died just two weeks ago.

after we left dante, john took us to see the other tigers, bengali and cesar. they also paced along their fenced areas and we pet them through the fence.

john took us in another back area to see the lions, but he told us that lions, unlike tigers, hate the snow! the lions pretty much stayed put in their sunlit spots and did not want to stray and get their paws cold and wet. meanwhile, i saw dante in the distance romping and playing in the snow by himself.

john walked us quickly through the fences and gates and locks back into the huge barn so we could see mr. wiggles the tiny monkey and princess the camel. we hand fed mr. wiggles, and his teeny, tiny hands took a piece of popcorn out of our hands and he ate it feverishly. we hand fed princess graham crackers, and she quickly ate an entire pack! she was immense.

the barn is filled with lizards in cages and tanks lining the outskirts of the barn. there are cages and cages full of parrots and other large birds. these are all rescued animals that were once pets. people don’t understand that pets are a lifelong commitment, and oftentimes they don’t research the work and longevity of these animals. parrots need to be put in a will as they sometimes live to like 90 years old!

anyway, john walked us out, and we took some time on our own trudging through the snow and seeing the other animals and feeding them popcorn. this zoo is such an amazing place. all of these animals are rescued and have such sad stories. tom and i talked about how proud we are to be vegetarians and how we like the zoo to be our charity.

now we are home, sitting in matching monkey pajamas. i uploaded some fun zoo pictures to my facebook page and tom is playing “call of duty” and is happily shooting people in the faces. family is coming over soon for some cake to celebrate tom’s birthday. i made him a homemade yellow cake with homemade chocolate buttercream frosting. the yellow cake has a cool flavor, the recipe called for some cream cheese, so it has a nice little “something extra” to it.

boy, this was a long blog, but there are not enough words in the world to describe how fun and awesome tom is and how much fun we have together!

dear tom, the best is yet to come. again, happy 30th birthday!

these girls get drunk and go out on the town and act like whores and hit each other and name call. they are great ambassadors for my generation. not.

i think, a few seasons ago, i moaned about how these girls act like horrible shells of people and they get a mansion and spending money and attention and limo service. tom may or may not have laughed and we got on the subject of what it would be like for me and some crafty, polite girls to be in a “good girls club” mansion.

what great television that would make!

upon first meet we would hug and say “so do you knit or crochet?”

our first evening, we would share the kitchen and make dinner together, divvying up the cabinets and the chores and coming up with a chore wheel.

i bet we would giggle into the night, but still be in bed before midnight. maybe some girls would stay up later swapping stories.

we would spend the days crafting and reading and drinking tea, politely asking the closest girl if we could put tea water on for them or get them something from the kitchen

if we mistakenly hit a new friend with a cabinet door, we would cry out apologies and stay with the friend until the pain subsided.

we would give each other privacy while on the phone and then politely shout out when off the phone so the next one in line could call their loved ones.

i bet the last night we would all go out for a nice meal and recap what we have learned from each other (like some baking tips) and hug it out in the final moments.

but i am boring and would not make for good television!

This year we have the coolest tree idea! Every year before this, we had cool orange, pink, and red balls from Pier 1, and some cool confection ornaments, such as ice cream cones, cupcakes, candy, etc. It was pretty cool. This year we wanted to do something new and different. So our super cool idea is…. drum roll… a peacock inspired tree! We have peacock feathers in the house, and I am in the middle of working on a huge peacock backpiece (tattoo).

We have a tall, thin tree that fits nicely into our family room. Our first few years in our home, we had a “regular” sized tree, and I must say that having a slim tree has made a big difference (in my sanity). I don’t like rearranging the entire family room to fit a big, wide tree. Anyway, nice slim tree place neatly in an open spot. Brilliant.

We purchased plain deep purple, teal, and green balls (and, yes, we cannot stop giggling when we say “balls”). Tucked into the tree are swirly, curly, glittery twigs in gold, teal, and green. Nestled on some branches are these beautiful clip on peacock birds with a long peacock tail and a glittery blue peacock body. We have actual peacock feathers, purchased especially for the tree, randomly stuck into the tree. And to top it all off, we have big swirls of glittery gold ribbon flowing down the tree. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love the “designer” tree style. Love having a tree that fits our style.

One year all I wanted – no, NEEDED – was a light-up moose for the front lawn. I saw it somewhere and flipped out. We were hot on the case to find one, which proved to be a nearly impossible task. But my sweet, wonderful, perfect aunt Joan got on the case, and found one for us!!!!! When she gave it to me, well, that may have been  the best day of my life, even better than our wedding day!

I can never wait until after Thanksgiving to put Chris Moose (yea, like “Christmas”… get it?) on the front lawn. He has been outside, free from our basement, since Halloween, but Tom only let us breathe life into him this past weekend. He was so happy to be lit up and alive! Ok, **I** was so happy. In addition to Chris Moose, we also have a new addition; a small, tutu-wearing, light up hippo we named Petunia. My goal, and I wish Tom would just get on board already, is to collect the funniest, most random collection of white light-up animals and have the Lawn of Misfit Animals.

Usually our entire row of homes gets together and pitches in, and we have our entire row lit up in hanging, white icicle lights. It really looks super special. I think we all love how when you turn onto our block, you see all our homes in the matching hanging icicle lights. It really spells out “unity”… plus it looks awesome. Especially since everyone on our row seems to understand that when you have hanging white icicle lights, you don’t add other creatures or decorations that are adorned with colored lights. DUH! That’s just common sense, right?

Well this year we have two new sets of people that have moved in. The folks a few doors down from me have decided to hang ACTUAL icicle-looking lights, that flash twitchy flourescent colors, and said icicle lights highlight their light-up snowman, Santa, and manger scene. Is it just me, or should people only choose one “theme” for the front lawn. Sure, go for the light up baby Jesus to show the world just how religious you are! But does baby Jesus glowing next to a snowman really make sense? I even prefer the people that go balls out nuts and have a ton of light up, inflatable adornments… at least it is all in the same theme!

My other new neighbor, who shares a wall with us, was outside yesterday banging away and gabbing with the neighbors. I knew when the sun was setting that I would get to glimpse her handy work. I could not have ever been prepared for what was just outside my door. She hung old, large bulbed, colored lights from the top of her porch. They are knotted and twisted as if she was trying to make her old lights look like some sort of icicle light? Her porch dons a fake Christmas tree covered in plain white lights, and all of her railings are screamingly bright with super, mega white LED lights pulled ’round and ’round and ’round the handrails. Her lawn has a little reindeer with his head bobbing back and forth, almost shaking his head, like “three different colors of lights is tacky, three different colors of lights is tacky…”

So, now that you see how special my lawn moose is, can you see why a gal would be a little aggravated that her direct neighbor set her little reindeer directly next to MY MOOSE? As if the reindeer and moose were friends? Pashaw! My moose is NOT a pack animal! My moose, year after year after year, stands proud on my lawn, all by himself. He is not friendly. Even my hippo addition is clear of the moose. Petunia rests on the front porch steps, to greet guests and to give the moose his much needed space.

People have driven by our house and stopped just to tell us how special they think our moose is!

Sometime today I have to nonchalantly go outside and pretend to put a bow on my moose (ok, so I will actually put a nice, big, bow on my moose.. and by the way, the bow will match the bow that is on my Christmas tree inside!!) and whilst donning my moose with decor, I will have to stand there and tilt my head and say “My, My. My lawn looks so dark. What if I move my moose to the middle of the yard so his light exudes onto the entirety of our little front lawn? Yes, what a perfect idea!”

I rolled around the idea of creating a “3rd Ave. Holiday Association” and sending these neighbors a letter stating that our row does matching hanging, white icicle lights every year, and “ask” if they want to partake. They are really messing things up. Now if we do the lights, we will have two gaps in the middle filled with crazy, tacky, colored lights.

But I bet if we put up our hanging lights, and get the neighbors on the other sides to do the same as we all do every year, maybe these newbies will get the hint and say “oh, I didn’t know you guys did that!”

See what the Christmas spirit does to me? It makes me insane. This is why I do not partake.

on a “good” day, i am simply having less severe pain that usual. every day for the rest of my life will include pain in some way, and i have begun to accept this.

what is my pain like? well, anyone with chronic pain can relate, but even though chronic pain sufferers may have the same or similar symptoms, it is always different for everyone.

for me, very briefly, i suffer from severe muscle aches and spasms in all muscle, mostly my back. my joints are always aching and are sometimes very swollen. i suffer from serious fatigue – fatigue is way more than being tired. fatigue is a constant state of exhaustion. i am also always confused and dizzy, my vision is blurred, i have bladder problems, female problems, insomnia, and i now have vertigo.

CRPS is a disease in my lower legs and feet which causes them to be numb and tingly and burning. imagine what it feels like when your foot falls asleep. now imagine having that for about two and a half years. the other major symptom of this is hypersensitivity. anything that touches my foot causes a serious, star-seeing shock of pain. my dog running over my foot by accident or someone gently nudging me under the table are all seriously, horribly painful.

all of this affects my life in so many different ways. it’s like every day i am given this small, cup full of energy. when i work, all of that energy goes into working, and the rest of the day must be spent doing nothing. i am only allotted such a small amount of time and energy every day. so since work is “most important” that is where i focus my energy, and it is horrible. i have no social life. i cannot tell you the last time i went out just for fun. i feel like i can never say “yes” to anything, and it seems like any offers to even go do anything have seriously dwindled down.

i am on about 10 medications daily.

when i work and i am in pain, it is so hard to get through the day. i am confused and in pain. since my hands hurt so much, it is difficult to open up doors for people. since i am a buyer’s agent, and i show houses for a living, my day are spent opening up lockboxes and doors and plastering a smile on my face even though i’m dying inside. getting in and out of the car is so difficult, and going up and down the stairs is even worse. i don’t know how i do it sometimes…

besides being robbed of any “play” time, and working so hard i cannot see, these diseases have taken away other things from me. i now have to wear orthopaedic shoes. i have this amazing shoe collection full of animal prints and bows and patterns, but they lie at the bottom of my closet as a daily reminder of what can never be. and it’s not like i am the type of girl to get manicures and pedicures, but if i could even afford it right now, i will never again be able to “treat myself” to a pedicure. the idea of a stranger touching my feet is a horror.

when i am not working, my days are filled with going to doctors offices and waiting, waiting, waiting. i have shelled out so many co-pays and waited so many hours for doctors. i spend hours on the phone trying to get prescriptions refilled. it is a full time job to be sick.

right now, i am filing for disability. it is too hard to work right now. i just cannot get through it. the idea of a disability check is a light at the end of the tunnel, however, i am in the middle of the tunnel right now and i feel like the light is getting further and further away. i know that if it was easy, everyone would do it, but man this disability paperwork is so hard! i wish they could assign you an advocate that would help you fill it out and make sure it goes to the appropriate places. and by the way, its social security – don’t they know everything about me anyway?!?!

life is really hard right now. but i do have the most amazing husband in the whole world. if it were not for him, i don’t know what i would do or where i would be. he is so kind and understanding, and so helpful and sweet. i am such a lucky wife. i know we will get through it.

this blog entry is not very light-hearted or written in a fun or interesting way, but i plan to write about some daily health adventures on here. i feel like it will be therapeutic, and i KNOW i have very, very interesting and funny stories to tell.

people say the craziest, more terrible things to me. i see some crazy shit in doctors offices. and my begging for vicodin each month is sure to tickle anyone’s fancy!

thanks for reading…

anyway, i figure now is as good a time as any during my shopping venture today to finally pick up cupcake liners for my thanksgiving cupcakes. i am making carrot cake cupcakes, as per gramma’s request. i thought thanksgiving harvest-y colors would really complement the carrot cake! so i keep looking up and down and up and down (and distracted by the pretty light up things and sparkles) and up and down (and distracted and distracted) searching for the thanksgiving items. i mean, thanksgiving is less than 2 weeks away, one would imagine the thanksgiving items would be pretty prominent. kiosk, people?

i give in and finally ask a young guy stocking shelves if he could point me into the direction of the thanksgiving baking supplies. he smiled and said they pretty much don’t get any thanksgiving stuff in any more and they skip right over to christmas! and here i am, in christmas-la-la-land, guilty of buying into it, of course, since i am standing there with twinkly lights and a holiday candle. oh and this is my 3rd visit to michael’s this week (with loads of coupons of course. 40% off, baby!). and i am annoyed. i really hate the problem, but i am clearly nowhere near part of the solution.

ok, so then i stop in acme on the way home for some light grocery shopping. as we all know, every store has been decked out in christmas decor for the past month. yet i figured in acme, a GROCERY store, the thanksgiving or harvest-style cupcake liners would be on an endcap, right?!?! WRONG. not even slyly tucked among the christmas decorations and food prep items. not one iota of thanksgiving-ness.

i am not even a big thanksgiving fan. i just like making cupcakes and having everything match! GOSH!

so here i am. just over a week away from carrot colored cupcakes, with only pink or blue liners. is nothing sacred?